Five Drunk Birds
by Purrplegal98
Summary: Crack!fic. What happens when you mix five Robins and alcohol?


**A/N: Just a one shot I couldn't get out of my head. This is set slightly in the NON-NEW 52 future, with Dick in his late 20s/early 30s, Jason mid/late 20s, Tim and Steph early 20s, and Dami in his late teens.**

**Rated T for Jason and Dami's potty mouths, and a little bit of dirty talk (Jason, I'm looking at you).**

**Its mostly dialogue, and a one-shot.**

**Pairings: Former Tim/Steph plus one kiss, one Jay/Steph, Dami's crush on Steph in the past, Dick with all his various girls (he gets around), Jason with all his various girls (he also gets around), Dami/Ravager, onesided!Tim/Ravager, and suggested Tim/Kon, Jason/Roy, Dick/Wally ,and Dami/Colin. Basically every pairing ever, except Batboy slash.**

**Review, I always like reviews-even flames, cause they help me improve my skillz.**

**[break]**

"-and then, I showed her the invitation to the wedding. She was so pissed at me, and to be fair, I deserved it." Dick concluded.

Why had she thought this was a good idea again? When she had been invited to a Robin-only party, she had jumped at the chance. Mostly cause she wanted to see Tim drunk. But of course, her silly Boy Virgin had refused to touch the alcohol-at least until Jason slipped some in his drink when he wasn't looking. Dami, however, had just waited till Dick was tipsy to help himself.

"I can't imagine why." Tim responded. "I'd be pretty upset myself."

"Why? Kon ever pull that trick on you went he started going out with Wonder Girl?" Jason asked, smirking as always.

"Kon and I are just best friends!" Tim protested.

"Yeah, right, Drake." Dami said. He took a sip of his drink.

Tim turned on him. "What about you and Colin? You're awfully close, huh? He's your only friend!"

"Tt. Just because he is my friend does not make him my boyfriend. West and Grayson never hooked up." Dami responded.

"Neither did me and Kon!"

Jason was, by this time, laughing so hard, his drink came out his nose, which only made his laugh harder. "How do we know? Roy has some pretty funny stories about the pair of them."

"Does he tell them to you in bed?" Steph asked.

"Wh-what?" Jason said. Then he took a bit of time to think of a response, replying "I don't swing that way. But you're welcome in my bed anytime, Pigeon."

"Hey! That's my ex you're talking to!" Tim interrupted.

"Kori's Dick's ex. I honestly don't give a fuck." Jason responded, and took another sip of his drink, "And Talia is Bruce's."

"My mother? You sick bastard!" Dami growled, the same time Dick said "Kori? What the hell, Jason!"

"Hey, she came onto me!" Jason said. He winked at Steph, "It's not my fault girls can't keep their hands off me. Besides, Dickie-bird, you're nobody to talk. Do the names _Selina Kyle _or _Helena Bertinelli_ ring any bells?"

Dick blushed, "Not my fault! Helena and I were drunk that time, and Selina kissed me!"

"Selina as in Catwoman?" Tim asked, "You kissed Catwoman?"

Steph hit Tim on the arm, before taking a sip of her drink, "That IS what he said, fluffbrain."

"Aww, so cute." Dami said sarcastically.

Jason looked at Dami, "So if you're not with Colin, then do you like anyone?"

"Tt. Like I'd tell you _that, _Todd." Dami responded.

Jason leaned close to him, and stage whispered, "I bet it was Girl Wonder over there."

Dami turned a bright shade of pink, and shoved Jason away. "Go fuck yourself, Todd."

Jason grinned at him, clearly drunk, and said "Figures, Robins do like their Batgirls-or Spoilers."

"What, did you have a crush on Barbara at some point?" Dick asked, glaring.

"What little boy from Gotham DIDN'T have a crush on Barbara at some point?"

"Uh, me?" said Tim.

"Yeah well, that's cause you where busy stalking Batman and me, and Dick." Jason said dismissivly.

"WAS NOT!"

"Were too, Timmy, and you know it."

"I'm gonna go with Jason on this."

"Dick!"

Steph interrupted, saying, "Hey, did you know in another universe, after Jay died, Bruce quit, but when he came back, he had a Girl Wonder?"

"So I don't exist?" asked Tim.

"I still died in another universe? What the fuck? Well, at least he didn't adopt Pretender over there."

"Hey!"

"Get lost, Boy Virgin."

"That reminds me, Drake, did you really turn down Rose?" Damian asked.

"Yes."

"She was naked, in your bed! And you turned her down? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"She was drunk." Tim said.

"So?" Jason said, "Have you seen Rose?"

"I wasn't interested in her."

"What are you, blind? Or are you lying about playing for Kon?" Jason asked.

"Just not interested."

"He's crazy." Jason decided. "What about you, Stephanie? Like anyone?"

"You had to ask me in front of my ex, didn't you?" She responded. She was really regretting coming here now.

Tim glared at Jason. "Leave her alone, ok?"

Jason smirked, "Nah, it's too much fun." He took started to take out a cigarette.

"No."

"Come on, Goldie, lighten up."

"No."

"You're no fun at all. Always gotta be the good one little boy." Jason said. He put the cigarette in his mouth, and was reaching for his lighter, when Dick snatched it outof his hands, and took away his pack of cigarettes. "You ruin all my fun, Golden Boy."

"I am with Grayson on this one." Damian said, "I don't want you polluting my air with smoke."

"Your air? Please, I was here first."

"You invited us," Tim pointed out, "making it our air too."

"Whatever."

Steph was relieved she didn't have to answer. She had had quite a few drinks by now, and was not quite sure what she was going to say, but it probably wouldn't've been something she wanted to say.

[break]

Several Hours Later…..

Dick unfolded himself from the crazy pretzel he'd managed to twist himself into somehow. "See, it's not that hard, and it doesn't hurt."

"That's what he said." Jason snickered. Dick smacked him. "What? Someone had to say it."

"Do you have ANY bones?" Steph asked, quite impressed.

Dick answered "yes", but at the same time, Tim and Jason said, "No."

Steph giggled, then hiccupped in the middle of a giggle, and giggled again cause she though that was funny. "I think I've –hic- had to mu-hic-ch."

"Tt. Clearly, Brown, you had almost as much as Grayson over there." Damian pointed to Dick, who was now hanging upside down, tangled in the curtains.

"Oops."

Tim grinned, and pulled Steph over, and kissed her. Surprised, she kissed back, realizing just how much she missed them.

Jason coughed. "Sorry to interrupt your spit sharing, but Goldie just broke the curtain bar, and it's really heavy…."

They broke apart, and looked up to see Jason holding a bar, that DID look like the curtain bar, over their heads. Both of them moved, and Jason put the bar down, and glared at Dick, who had somehow managed to land on his feet, and was laughing at them.

"Don't make me shove this up your ass, Goldie." He growled. Dick just kept laughing.

"Tt. I think we should go." said Damian.

Tim got up. "I'm the least drunk of all of us, so I'm the driver."

"I live here." Jason pointed out. "And Steph's just down the street. You take Replacement Junior, and Goldie."

"Fine." Tim grabbed Dick and pulled/lead him out of the house. Damian followed. "Bye Steph, thanks for the kiss."

Steph waved to him, and turned to follow when Jason grabbed her arm. "Don't I get a goodbye kiss?" he asked, before kissing her.

Steph pushed him off. "What the hell?" She asked.

"Just wanted something to hold over Pretender." He smirked. "Goodnight, Stephanie."

Steph left, feeling confused.


End file.
